Forging ties

Looks like I left my brains behind in the last year. Each day I open my blog, stare at the screen and then... systematically shut down the comp and promise myself that tommorrow I will make an entry. Oh Sure... I was warned this would happen - the mental drought. But then hey!! my blog is not meant to change the world... it was meant to be an exercise for my grey cells. And so after the 7-day vacation - here I am.
Just today I got a call from office and was told that I have to pack my bags for Singapore - this is after I am mentally preparing myself for a 3 week sojourn in Australia. I am excited sure... but then am also feeling a little bummed out.
For the past two years - since Anoushka was born - life has changed drastically. From being one who worked odd hours, to sleeping through a rock show, to one going to only late night movie shows (and not missing a single release)... overnight I was transformed to one who started working from home... one movie on DVD takes us a week to watch and sleep... hmmm I wake up if Anoushka moves in her crib.
There were days when I just wanted to get away from it all. And now I have just the chance - a week in Singapore and then 3 weeks in Australia. Career-wise a great opportunity. Is this the escape window I was looking for - you bet. But then, am already missing my baby. I am already fretting about her eating, sleeping, moods, games.... I assume I will able to sleep the night through without waking up but I know I will wake up at 3 and think of her.
As a mother still learning the ropes (I guess you never stop learning as a parent), I sometimes wondered whether my maternal instincts were intact. I mean yes... I feed, clean, bathe, soothe... but then I also get irritated, angry, impatient. I sometimes doubted my ability to be a good mother. I wondered whether Anoushka and me forged that bond everyone talks about. But then today, when I told my 2 year old "Mama is going to Singapore, mama will miss you". She turned around and said, "Mama going to Singapoooour. I will missed you... you be sad, I'll be sad... then you come back." I had my answer.